Stages of Gratitude

No matter what age we are, we have the capacity to experience gratitude. First comes the acknowledgment of goodness in life and the elements that make worth living.
From a young age, we can feel gratified by the things we receive. Over time, we cultivate our capacity to be grateful externally to other people, animals, and the world. These are the two stages of gratitude—recognition of the goodness in our lives, followed by the acknowledgment that this goodness came to us externally.

What Are You Thankful For?

The act of giving thanks goes beyond mere words. When we encounter the feeling of thanks, we are experiencing gratitude. Gratitude has been the subject of study among philosophers, religious scholars, and scientists alike. For at least 2,000 years, intellectuals have been considering the vital role gratitude plays in daily life.

The magnitude of benefits we experience from gratitude may account for our interest in studying this foundational emotion for millennia. The relationship between gratitude and well-being is a burgeoning area of research in the field of positive psychology.

Defining gratitude

When is the last time you took a moment to ruminate on all the good in your life? If you can’t remember, you’re not alone.

Between jam-packed schedules, caring for others, and the never-ending daily list of chores, we tend to forget to create time to take a breather. Unlike other beneficial health practices, cultivating a gratitude practice can be done in very little time with no costly devices, memberships, or equipment.

Gratitude is a strong and deeply-rooted emotion of appreciation. It originates from days when our survival depended on the help of others. The positive feeling of gratitude can inspire us to show appreciation, which will, in turn, make others more likely to help us again in the future. This is perhaps why today we feel the most grateful when we give or receive an act of kindness.

According to psychology research, gratitude is “a social emotion that signals our recognition of the things others have done for us.” A more detailed definition is provided by The Harvard Medical School, writing that gratitude is “a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives … As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals–whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.”

So, if it’s been a while since you’ve evaluated the good in your life, a simple way to start is to think of three things that have gone well for you and identify the cause. Go a step further by imagining what your life would be like if these positive events had not occurred.

In this video, Robert Emmons talks about how to be grateful in many different types of situations.

Gratitude behavior: reciprocity

Darwin himself suggested that humans and other animals share the “same emotions, even the more complex ones such as jealousy, suspicion, emulation, gratitude, and magnanimity.” More recent research has proven Darwin’s belief correct. By studying animals who cannot express gratitude through verbal language, scientists have found the act of reciprocity—the practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit—is at the heart of gratitude behavior.

As humans, our ability to express our emotions through language, reciprocity, and gratitude often go together. When someone is kind to us, and we return the favor, that is a form of direct reciprocity that we expect.

Interestingly, as recipients of acts of kindness and thoughtfulness, we are more likely to help not only the person who bestowed kindness but a third party as well. This ripple effect of indirect reciprocity is a powerful tool for cultivating gratitude.

Gratitude involves a humble recognition that we are interdependent, that we need one another. In fact, the strength of this recognition has led to a movement—pay it forward—whereby strangers perform acts of kindness with the hope that others will do the same.

Find one person who you can do something for without any expectation of them doing something in return. Give these a try:

• Buy the person in line behind you a cup of coffee.
• Send someone on your team a note just to thank them.
• Write a positive Yelp review about a local business you like.
• Let someone go in front of you in line, who only has a few items.
• Leave a gas gift card at a gas pump.
• Return shopping carts for people at the grocery store.

There is no limit to what you can do! Do something unexpected and watch what happens.

Your brain on gratitude

Even though we think of gratitude as an emotional state, it also enhances cognitive functioning and decision-making. In fact, feeling grateful enhances functioning in regions of the brain governing social bonds and our ability to read others.

Interestingly, gratitude has a broadening effect on how we think and at how we look at the world. Here are three ways gratitude can benefit our minds:

Stress and Pain Relief
The neural networks that light up when we socialize and experience pleasure are also activated when we’re feeling grateful. These regions also regulate heart rate and arousal levels and are associated with stress relief and, thus, pain reduction. Feelings of gratitude create a more relaxed body state, thus also reducing stress.

Improve Health Over Time
Because gratitude relies on the brain networks associated with social bonding and stress relief, grateful feelings lead to health benefits over time.

Reduce Depression
The mental practice of gratitude may even be able to change and rewire the brain. Some evidence suggests that gratitude may induce structural changes in the very same parts of the brain that are impacted by depression.

Savor the moment

There are numerous ways to practice gratitude through our senses. By using our senses — sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell—we become more mindful. Embracing your senses allows you to utilize tools that are already available to you.

As you go about your day, notice things from a sensory place. How do things smell? Or taste? Or feel? You can tap into sense-memories any time to help invoke feelings.

Sight
It’s no secret that we’re happier when surrounded by beauty. What beautiful things are you surrounded by right now – a colorful trinket on your desk or a scenic view out the window?

Sound
Did you know that we’re hard-wired to respond to music with emotion? Take a moment to consider a song or sound that brings you joy, comfort, or peace. For example, the tap of your pet’s paws on the floor as they dance with excitement when you return home, or the pitch of your chimes in a soft breeze.

Touch
Touch is the very first sense we develop because it’s how we figure out the world around us. What sorts of objects do you find tactilely pleasing? Think about the electricity you feel when you hug your loved ones. Or perhaps consider that cozy soft blanket you like to cuddle up in for comfort.

Taste
We’re eating or drinking throughout the day, but how often do we slow down and savor what we’re tasting? Taste can bring you back to your childhood or transport you to a favorite vacation spot. Take time to really taste that sip of coffee, the first bite of an apple, or the sensation of some other food hitting your tongue.

Smell
Scent is a strong memory trigger. The fragrance of a loved one’s perfume or cologne may bring a smile to your face. The smell of your favorite meal may invoke special happy memories. What can you smell right now? How does that smell make you feel?

By utilizing our senses to live in the moment, we leave behind negative thoughts. There is much to be grateful for when we really consider the many blessings we are offered through our senses.

A discernible lack of gratitude

Ingratitude, defined as a discernible lack of gratitude, can happen for many reasons.

As an emotion, gratitude is so powerful because it generates positivity that both reaches inward and extends outward. For some, the expression and feeling of gratitude come easy. However, for others, the act of practicing gratitude can be a little more difficult. This is because we’re all wired differently due to genetics, brain structure, and personality traits. For example, envy, materialism, narcissism, and cynicism can act as barriers to gratitude.

One of the greatest thieves of thankfulness is dwelling on what we do not have. It’s a great challenge to be both grateful and envious or materialistic at the same time. Have you ever felt both at the same time?

Feelings of entitlement is also a powerful inhibitor of gratitude. For example, narcissistic individuals may not even notice that a gift has occurred because they believe they are entitled to the benefit.

However, there is good news. No matter where you land on the spectrum of gratitude, there are exercises you can do to increase your level of gratefulness. In fact, neuroscience research has even shown a gratitude practice can change your brain activity.

One of the most profound and powerful ways to deepen your gratitude is through written words. Gratitude journaling only takes a few minutes a day, but it can give you a lasting mood boost that can take you from feeling “okay” to feeling “great” on a more regular basis. Regularly journaling about the good things in your life can help prepare and strengthen you to deal with the rough patches when they pop up. All you have to do is spend a few minutes each day writing down (or typing) the things you are grateful for.

Here are some writing prompts to help you start your gratitude journal:

• List five small ways that you can share your gratitude today.
• Write about a person in your life that you’re especially grateful for and why.
• What are you grateful for about the city or town you live in?
• Write about the music you’re thankful to be able to listen to and why.
• Write a letter to someone who has positively impacted your life, however big or small.

Better health with gratitude

When it comes to the benefits of gratitude, there is no short-supply of evidence. Psychologists have found that over time, feelings of gratitude boost happiness while fostering both physical and psychological health. Those facing mental health issues also benefit from the increase in positive self-talk that can result from a gratitude practice.

According to the Greater Good Science Center, the following benefits can be achieved from a gratitude practice:

• increased happiness and positive mood
• more satisfaction with life
• less materialistic
• less likely to experience burnout
• better physical health
• better sleep
• less fatigue
• lower levels of cellular inflammation
• greater resiliency
• encourages the development of patience, humility, and wisdom

Additional benefits on a group level include increased prosocial behaviors, employee effectiveness, and job satisfaction, and stronger relationships.
Amazingly, brain scans of people assigned a task that stimulates expression of gratitude show lasting changes in the prefrontal cortex that heighten sensitivity to future experiences of gratitude.

Get the children involved

The return on investment in teaching children the practice of gratitude provides unlimited emotional well-being.

Teaching children about gratitude is an important task. One crucial aspect is to help children understand that gratitude is more than just saying the words, “thank you.” They must learn to feel gratitude to be effective.

The best way to reinforce the act of gratitude is to be thankful for all the things we already have and practice gratitude daily. One way to do this is to help children imagine what it would be like to live without the things they have and value.

A fun way to encourage children’s daily practice and create a fun visualization is to create a gratitude tree.

Time to practice

By now, you understand the importance of gratitude, and you know the multitude of benefits. So, it’s time to put your knowledge into practice.

How will you cultivate your very own daily gratitude practice?